Is the United Federation Health Starship Crashing?

by | Mar 13, 2017 | Healthcare, Humor

Captain’s Log, Stardate 2017.2 Captain D. Trump-Kirk of the United Federation Health Starship, “No Free Enterprise,” reporting….

“Chief Engineering Officer T. Price Scott reports that central core of the engine room has been taken over by a giant bloated creature. It’s bad news…. The di-lithium crystals are burning out..

Preliminary tri-corder analysis by Chief Science Officer Commander Ryan-Spock indicates that the creature is of the dreaded species “Octobamagon”. According to his analysis, the incubation period of this species is nearly 40 years, meaning the eggs of the Octobamagon had to have been hidden in the health starship’s engine room since Stardate early 1970’s.

From my health system history courses at Health Starship Command, can only surmise that an earlier Health Starship Captain committed this act of sabotage…. I recall something about that…. The Federation HMO EDICT Stardate 1973, authored by Admiral Richard M. Nixon and Starfleet Officer Ted Kennedy.

I have asked for a sit-rep from all staff officers and all indications are that the tentacles of this creature have permeated every area of the ship, inextricably attaching themselves to all aspects of the Health Starship’s operations. This is causing systems to shut down because of corrosive “Regulator” secretions that are slowly consuming the ship. (Can see that the Tribble infestation was a picnic compared to this.)

No report yet from Bones. In fact, the entire medical crew has disappeared. Can only assume they have been EATEN by the Octobamagon…. or, worse, they have DESERTED.

Have been informed by Ryan-Spock and Price-Scott that merely to cut off and destroy the invasive tentacles would completely disable operations of the “No Free Enterprise”. But leaving them alone would result in the same fate.

Facing a difficult decision. Ryan-Spock informs me that the Octobamagon is actually dying on its own. But when it dies, so does the “No Free Enterprise”. And to kill it without immediately repairing the damage would also bring the ship down.

Got to come up with an answer or Star Fleet will have my head.

I’ve got it!!!

Repel and Replace.

Will get First Officer Pence on it right away.

Trump-Kirk, out.”

(If this doesn’t work, beam Me WAY OUT, Scotty).

Apologies to non-Trekkies… channeling the inner nerd.